Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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