This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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