What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
