I cockslap morals
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Randomize
