I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
I am one with the molecules
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
