Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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