tonight lets celebrate not being married
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Randomize
