drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
and i looked up. we had an audience...
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
