His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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