Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
