Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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