I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
