legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Randomize
