Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
