Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize