We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
