So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
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