Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
