so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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