I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Randomize
