I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
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