1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
everyone is single if you try hard enough
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
