I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Randomize
