As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Randomize