Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
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