You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Houston, we have a squirter
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize
