i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
