My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
