So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
Randomize
