I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
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