I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
