you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
