If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize
