do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Randomize
