I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
