You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Randomize
