Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
