Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Randomize
