So drunk, too bad you don't want this
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
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