never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
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