You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
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