You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
