I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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