It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
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He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
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You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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