If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
