oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Randomize
