wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Randomize
