U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
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