What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
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