I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
