xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Be still, my beating vagina.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
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