There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
