there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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