New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Randomize
