All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
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