I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
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