He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Randomize
