i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
