Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
