Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
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