Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
