He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
