did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
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Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
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If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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