P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
