I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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