Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
