Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
