Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
