you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
