Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
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