So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
