do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
wat bout pragnant strippers??
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Randomize
