Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
