I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
