I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Two words: blizzard sex
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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