My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
