So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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